I have to confess. This morning I was minding my own business cleaning the bedroom and bathroom when and I saw the mister's Neti Pot squirty thing. If you don't know what this is, I'm warning you, this story is a little gross, but life is gross sometimes. The Neti Pot is for nasal congestion. You basically fill it with warm water, add the salt/baking soda mixture they give you, and give it a little squirt. Presto, fresh as a daisy.
There is absolutely no good reason for her to be smiling.
Yuck, I know.
There is no good way to explain why my curiosity got the best of me on this one. My nose has been bugging me for a while now and maybe the standard Tissue to Face and Blow method just hasn't been good enough. Who knows, it's gross, trust me - I've learned my lesson.
The experience was...unpleasant and relatively ineffective. Maybe I just imagined more of a voluminous response and I realize I probably was not doing it "just right". My head angle/blowing or nonblowing/squirting speed/or earth's gravitational pull were probably not quite right, but it was my first time, give me a break. Well, first and last.
After I had rinsed, kleenexed, and washed sufficiently, I swore that habit off and went about my day. Didn't really give it another thought.
1.75 hours later...I am in the kitchen making myself some pasta. As I poured the little shell noodles into my boiling water, one decided this was his lucky break and shot across the kitchen floor. When I bent over to pick the sucker up, yea, you guessed it. A fountain of water came out my nose. Fountain. Buckets really. As this is not a usual occurrence in life for me, I think I yelled, "Bleeah!! What?!?" as I frantically grabbed for a paper towel. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, a little shell shocked for a while, holding the paper towel to the unexpected geyser in my face. I also noticed that my eyes were watering profusely so I grabbed another napkin to mop those up.
Dangerous tool my friends. I can't imagine if I'd been at work or the market or something. How on earth do you explain that. "Sorry, sometimes when I bend my body leaks"??
I'm not sure what the lesson was here, but trust me, I learned it good. It was either Never Touch Things That Shoot Water Into Your Body Where You Usually Blow Boogers Out, or Let All Noodles Be Free. I'll let you know when I've figured it out.
For now I need to recover.
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4 comments:
LOLOLOLOLOl I LITERALLY LOL'D AT HOME AT 2AM. akjdsfajdlfjkalsdfjklasdf heidi i am a diehard fan of your stories. i think i need them for my daily digest. reader's digest. something. aksdjflajksdfjklsdf
HAHAHAH this was HILARIOUS.
(oh, and i hope you get better).
ps. please write more stories please. please please please.
I have to say...this was an all time favorite for me. Yes, I am the owner of that terrible device. Why did she try and use it?? I have no idea!
I stood for a long while today in the bathroom surveying Marc's Neti-Pot, which of course he swears by. I decided to pass despite my congestion and the purported magic powers of the thing to CLEANSE! and CLEAR! and ALLOW FREE BREATH! Later this evening, Marc leaned over to kiss me and a similar eruption cascaded all over the duvet. He looked at me and just said, "Um...oops?" as though that ought to cover the sea of snot. Good times.
Jen, I knew you would understand this post...to some degree. Perhaps Marc more so.
However, I do not know what all this raving and ranting is about. I just felt a lot of pressure in my face (yes, the whole face) and then 2% release. Clearly I was not doing this correctly because all that pressure was implying that my body was in fact storing this water for later use.
Marc, I feel your drippy pain my uncle.
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