Life is a battlefield

I want you all to know that I think of you often. Usually when something ridiculous happens in my life (i.e. taking the kids to the grocery store, making it all the way through only to find that I left my wallet at home, throw the kids back in the car, drive home, retrieve wallet, wait in line at the grocery store again, pay for food and buy two organic sugar free lollipops for my kids for being such good sports, driving through somewhere for dinner because it's now too late to start dinner at home without for-sure meltdowns, just as I order hearing Charlie scream as she tries to wrench her lollipop out of her hair...etc). I begin to write a blog post in my head, imaging how I would describe events, what photos I would use, and how I could best spell words my children use in their own "lisps" and trial and error ways (Evan calls juggling "Jungle-ing" and is frequently annoyed that I can't "jungle" like Daddy). I think about how to describe my neighbor to really get you to understand how absurd some of the situations I am put in are. And then I feel guilt and decide never to post about my crazy neighbor.

Obviously, about 1/1,000 of those posts actually happen as I take a peek at this dusty blog. But it sure would be fun to pick it up again.

I was thinking yesterday about my house and how very much effort it takes to keep it how I want it. My family can tell you, it is very rarely actually that way (how I'd like it). And as I was thinking about this, I realized that not only what I've said before is true - my career now is full time Master Re-arranger - but also that my whole life now is just a series of battles. I do not mean, however, that this is an entirely negative thing. Some battles are good, just still a lot of work and I end up near-dead by the end of the day, good battles or bad.

Keeping the house clean is a battle (closer to a war). Your bathrooms are fighting against you, Lord knows your kitchen is fighting against you. Laundry is like a beast you are constantly trying to fend off. It grows heads faster than you can fold, that's for certain. Your children are cute little gremlins frolicking around, scattering debris wherever they wander. I am thinking of writing a children's book/series...first one would be called It Only Takes a Cracker. You can probably guess the gist of the book. Sometimes your children at not cute little gremlins, but rather emotional monsters, throwing themselves and their 0-60 toddler emotions around willy-nilly for you to try to catch and console.

There are many more battles and I'm sure you have some of your own in mind. It can be easy to let those battles get you down, discourage you, or overwhelm you, I know it happens to me. When I was thinking about it yesterday, my kids were both napping (love the same nap time!) which is a coveted time in this house. I guard that time with my life. Usually I use the first bit to do Downstairs Damage Control, Feed the Laundry Beast, Finally Eat/Finish My Lunch, and General Pick-Up. And lately once that's done, I just sit on the couch, coffee and some snack that will kill me someday in hand, and watch my very own television shows. No matter how long or short it lasts, it is bliss. But I still end up feeling a little guilty. Kind of with that naggy feeling of, I should be DOING something.

But as I was thinking this yesterday, I took a sip of my thrice reheated coffee and thought, No. I will not feel guilty. Maybe my house is not spotless, and yes, if you tell me you'll drop by in ten minutes time, I will panic and move at 10x my normal speed to get the house ready, maybe my son's hair is not always tamed, and maybe there is a constant load of laundry either in the washer, dryer, unfolded, or waiting to be put away. YES. But, I am ok with taking some "me" time in exchange. I am really ok with that. I want to look back on this time and think, "My house looked decent. My family was fed home cooked meals 98% of the time, my children were healthy and clean, we had fun together, and I wasn't overcooked every day."

Sometimes I just need to sit out part of the battle for a Ho-Ho and coffee, and maybe a little British murder mystery. And it would be that time right now. Soooo. Talk to you later.

h